Work: The Never-Ending Character -Building Experiences
by Dr. Santo D. Marabella, The Practical Prof®
I’m tired of working… on myself. I’ve had zillions of opportunities to grow, evolve, change, improve, re-set and transform. You know, the perpetual character-building experiences. Though I have progressed in various way over many years, I want to take a break, a vacation per se, from character-building.
“Why,” you ask? Settle in, this could take some time.
Reason #1 — To work on myself, I have to be introspective, and that takes a commitment to really see me. I don’t always want to see the real me!
Reason #2 — What I learn about the real me will make me vulnerable. I don’t like being an easy mark for personal attacks.
Reason #3 —Being vulnerable means I’ll have to call up my courage — that’s scary.
Reason #4 — Based on past experience, I have a lot of self-work to do. I don’t want to be overwhelmed, I have enough to do already.
Reason #5 — Self-work is hard work, I want to coast for a change.
Reason #6— What if I fail? How could I live with that?
Reason #7 — Once I know what work I have to do, I’ll actually have to do it. Accountability is a bitch!
“Shouldn’t you draw up a list of those ‘sticking points’ behind your resistance, so you can more fully understand why you are confronted with these obstacles?” I suppose I could. To work on myself (which I equate to character-building), I must:
- have an honest self-perception
- be vulnerable
- call up my courage
- address multiple issues
- experience difficulty
- tolerate failure
- be accountable
Any one of these by themselves could stop me, but together, they are daunting! If I look at each one individually, maybe that will help me see them more clearly.
An honest self-perception. I have no time for fake or inauthentic people. It drives me bananas when I must interact with this type of person. So, why would I be willing to take the chance that my self-perception is blind to my inauthenticity, even in the slightest? That would be disingenuous, I need to be authentic.
Vulnerable. Brené Brown says that when you “shut down vulnerability, you shut down opportunity.” She defines it as “uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.” To her, vulnerability is “to be human,” the way we “cultivate love” by being seen as we are. I always want to cultivate love.
Courage. “Call on your courage to stand up for the self you know to be you,” according to Sandra Ford Walston, The Courage Expert. “Courage is the highest when you choose to take action,” but she warns that “inaction saps the will of your character.” Without courage, I cannot move forward, and I refuse to stand still.
Multiple Issues. This is not requiring me to multi-task — which no one really masters. It is requiring me to acknowledge context and see interrelationships among the issues, rather than view them as unrelated, in isolation. It is always preferable to see the whole picture — that enables us to address causes, not merely symptoms. That is smart use of my energy and resources, I want to be smart!
Difficulty. I despise the adage, “no pain, no gain!” I don’t like pain. Difficulty can be painful. But only if choose to frame it as such. I can choose to view it as rigor, as challenge, as something that distinguishes the valuable from the superficial. Or, I can simply grow up and accept that difficulty is part of the human experience. I don’t have to seek it out, but I do have to deal with it when it’s the best or only way.
Failure. No ones wants to fail, or likes the experience of failing. This is especially true when failure brings punishment, like it does in some workplaces. But no one is controlling my perspective on failure — I alone have the power to describe and own what it means to me. I choose to see failure as a temporary detour, delay or impasse on the road to achieving a goal. As such, failure is likely, and my experience of it can be useful learning or needed change. It’s more than okay to fail, it’s an expected stop along the way!
Accountability. I don’t like the pressure of being accountable, like I didn’t like having to tell my parents where I was and what I was doing while I lived in their house. As an adult, I can understand accountability without the parental parallel. I can look at it as closing loops, ensuring quality and building collaboration. I want closure, quality and collaboration, I can embrace accountability.
I am tired of those never-ending character-building experiences. Yet, I want all of the benefits they yield. I guess the break I need isn’t from working on myself, but from the outdated and immature ways I have viewed the process!
